Akatsunation 13
by Lutrius
Summary: What do think happens when two high school "wiper snappers" decide to get together, have a can of Monster, and discuss what would happen if the Akatsuki met Organization XIII... well you get some RPing, random fits and this...
1. Prologue Part 1

_One day the Akatsuki were minding there own business and such in there lavish 30x30 apartment building in the middle of nowhere. They were happily enjoying lunch when Hidan started souting obscenities... again._

**Zetsu**:: Hidan not in public!

**Hidan**:: Shut up Zetsu

**Zetsu**:: O.O

**Hidan**:: ...or i'll have a salad... with your name on it...

**Zetsu**:: OO NO NO! Do not make us into a salad _or we'll eat your flesh!_

**Hidan**:: try it black-and-whitey!!!

**Zetsu**:: FLESSSSHHHHHYYYYY! (lunges)

**Hidan**:: GREEEEEEEEEEENYYYY!!!!!! (lunges back)

**Zetsu**:: ATTAAAAAACK! (back swipe into a new scene because no one really knows what Zetsu does yet) NOMNOMNOM!

**Hidan**:: (does all that crazy stuff that he does) WACHA-CHA-CHA!

**Pein**:: QUIT IT!! I'm trying to watch my soaps!!!

**Konan**:: Shaddup I'm trying to be all mysterious and girly!

**Pein**:: Your only good for BABIES!!!

**Konan**:: PIN CUSHION!

**Pein**:: GRR I LOVE YOU!!! (lunges body)

**Tobi**:: OMG

**Konan**:: EEP!

**Deidara**:: LOOK AWAY!

**Sasori**:: hey, your dead!!!

**Deidara**:: so are you, un!

**Orochimaru**:: I'm not dead

**Zetsu**:: no one cares!

**Hidan**:: (eating Zetsu's leg) chomp chomp YEA chomp chomp

**Kakuzu**:: Hidan isn't that against your religion?

**Hidan**:: let me check... (thinks) ...not anymore!!! chomp chomp

**Deidara**:: oh no, un!

**Konan**:: Get him off (flail)

**Pein**:: Dont reasist!!!

**Konan**:: EEP!

**Orochimaru**:: eww... a girl!!!

**Itachi**:: LOOK OROCHIMARU A WOMAN!

**Orochimaru**:: NOOOO!!!

(head explodes)

**Itachi**:: oops..

**Zetsu**:: not again!

**Hidan**:: I wanted to do that!!!

**Kakuzu**:: BAD HIDAN!

**Konan**:: I'll start filling out the paperwork for the funeral services... (tackled) AAGH!

**Tobi**:: Leader... shouldn't you be working on what we should be doing about the Kyubi?

**Pein**:: (gets up quickly clears throat) Right! anyway... um...

**Konan**:: (groan) can't feel legs..

**Deidara**:: you shouldn't sit on Blue like that leader, un.

**Pein**:: Shut up and be dead! (Deidara dies... again)

**Deidara**:: but..I don't want to be dead...un..

**Kakuzu**:: does that mean we have to be dead too?

**Pein**:: Now that you mention it!! (kills everyone 'cept Tobi, Konan, and Zetsu)

**Itachi**:: I'm alive too!

**Konan**:: where's kisame?

**Kisame**:: (pops out of bathroom) I'm here!!!

**Pein**:: AHH put a towal on!!!

**Konan**:: OH MY covers eyes

**Itachi**:: Kisame what are you doing!!!

**Zetsu**:: Kisame put on a freaking towel! _It disturbs us!_

**Kisame**:: Umm? (looks down) Oh... I didn't notice!

**Konan**:: HOW CAN YOU NOT NOTICE?!!?!

**Orochimaru**:: Oh my... giggle giggle giggle

**Pein**:: Orochimaru get out!!!

**Kakuzu**:: LIFE!

**Konan**:: er...

**Kisame**:: And dont come back!!!

**Itachi**:: he tried to..do things..to me..

**Pein**:: okay... who had an Idea?

(only Tobi raises his hand)

**Tobi**:: OH OH PICK ME PICK ME!!!1

**Pein**:: (ignores Tobi) Anyone have an plan?

**Tobi**:: PICK TOBI, TOBI!!!!!

**Konan**:: well Tobi what is it?

**Tobi**:: TOBI HAS A PLAN!!!

**Pein**:: TO BAD!!!

**Konan**:: Well Tobi, tell us.

**Tobi**:: Well um-

**Pein**:: NO! That wont work!!! Itachi, Plan, NOW!!!!

**Itachi**:: Uh...distract the kyubi with Ramen and take him while he's eating?

**Pein**:: I like it! Lets add cheap monologging and a couple of action scenes and we have a Kyubi in a bag!

**Konan**:: ALRIGHT!

**Pein**:: Then off we go!!! and by we I mean Zetsu and... (looks at Tobi) ... (looks a Konan) ... (looks at Tobi again) Tobi!!!

**Zetsu**:: Joy...

**Tobi**:: WEEEE!!!!

**Konan**:: o.O;

**Kakuzu**:: does this mean we're alive again?

**Konan**:: ...sure..whatever- (tackled) DAMMIT PEIN!

**Tobi**:: Leader!

**Pein**:: Leave us alone and do... whatever you were supposed to do... (takes Konan into a private room as freakin quickly as possible)

**Zetsu**:: er...

**Hidan**:: EWWWW

(Meanwhile couple hours later)

**Zetsu**:: I think we're lost..

**Tobi**:: Tobi knew this map was garbage!

Zetsu::_ you idiot! It's upside down!_

**Tobi**:: O.O" eh hehe...

**Zetsu**::_ ¬¬ I still say we eat him.._. no no we cannot do that!

**Tobi**:: What was that?

**Zetsu**:: NOTHING!

**Zetsu**::_ now move!_

**Tobi**:: Tobi... is going... to ignore.. this... umm (looks at map THE RIGHT WAY!)

**Zetsu**:: (tapping his foot, irritated) WELL?

**Tobi**:: OMG!!

**Zetsu**:: what now...

**Tobi**:: THE KYUBI!!!!

**Zetsu**:: are you serious?! it's fallen into our hands already! THROW THE NET!!! _OR I'LL EAT YOU!!!!_

**Tobi**:: EEP!

**Naruto**:: wait whut..?

**Tobi**:: (throws a net)

**Naruto**:: OH NOES DATEBAYOU!

**Zetsu**:: WOOT!

**Tobi**:: YAY!!!

Meanwhile at Akatsuki HQ

**Konan**:: X-X Can't I have 2 minutes alone...

**Pein**:: C'MON!!! WHY WON'T YOU F$K ME!!!

**Konan**:: ya frickin' walking pin cushion! We already did it yesterday!

**Pein**:: But that was yesterday!!!!

**Konan**:: later tonight GEEBUZ!!

**Kakuzu**:: ¬¬ can I get a hit?

**Pein**:: WHAA!!!

**Deidara**:: I'd like to do it too, yeah :D

**Pein**:: mmm... Konan I didnt know you liked that kind of stuff...

**Konan**:: GRK!

**Pein**:: WAIT!!! I'm getting a telipathinc message!!!

(brring brrring)

**Zetsu**:: (popped up all hologram-y like) We got him leader!

**Pein**:: GOOD JOB ZETSU!!! Report back immediately!

(later)

**Pein**:: Excellent job Zetsu,fine work indeed.

**Tobi**:: What about Tobi?

**Pein**:: Tobi quit stealing credit!!! I'm sure Zetsu had to work hard!!!

**Konan**:: Yes Tobi you did good too. (pet pet)

**Zetsu**:: Actually Tobi caught the Kyubi all by himself!

**Pein**:: Zetsu... you are so noble!!! Being so modest!!! GOLD STARS!!

**Konan**:: oi...

**Zetsu**:: uh...k...

**Tobi**:: Does Tobi get gold stars...?

**Pein**:: (mocking Tobi) ME ME ME!!! Thats what you sound like Tobi... like that... like a whiner... yea

**Konan**:: (whacks Pein along side the head) BAD!

**Pein**:: (smirk) I love it when you hit me like that...

**Konan**:: (blushes, then whacks him..WITH A MACE)

**Deidara**:: Kinky...

**Tobi**:: oh my!

**Zetsu**:: Is he dead? Dibs!!

**Konan**:: (demonic glare)

**Tobi**:: um...

**Deidara**:: Then who will be our new leader!!!

**Tobi**:: guys...

**Itachi**:: ME!!!!! called it!!!

**Tobi**: Guys!

**Kisame**:: Anyone seen my pants?

**Tobi**:: GUYS!!!!!

**Konan**:: PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!

**Tobi**:: The kyubi escaped...

(DEAD...AWKWARD...SILENCE!)

**Pein**:: (Gets up tramatically) WHAAAAAAAAATTT!!!!

(all dramatic like!)

**Pein**:: How could this happen!!!

**Zetsu**:: crunch crunch ...Beats me...

**Tobi**:: you all got distracted! Tobi tried to warn you but NO... you didn't listen to tobi!

**Pein**:: (leers at Tobi) Tobi, it is aparent that you played no part in it but I am totally blaming this on you...

**Tobi**:: B-B-BUT TOBI-

**Zetsu**:: Yea Tobi... munch munch

**Tobi**:: but-Tobi.. (faint)

**Zetsu**:: oooh seconds!

**Konan**:: No zetsu!

**Zetsu**:: We never have fun... _I kill ya_!!!!

**Deidara**:: That's because you need to be in a mental ward, un!

**Pein**:: Anyway, whats done is done... so we need a new plan

**Itachi**:: how'd he even get away

**Zetsu**:: crunch crunch Its a mystery...

**Tobi**:: Zetsu-san! What are you eating?

**Zetsu**:: nothing..

**Deidara**:: You ate the Kyubi!!!

**Zetsu**:: It was a little girl alright!

**Deidara**:: oh..

**Tobi**:: Zetsu-san that's horrible!

**Pein**:: At least its not the Kyubi!

**Konan**:: er, the kyubi's STILL gone

**Pein**:: BUT he's not eatin'

**Konan**:: BUT he's still gone

**Marluxia**:: hey is this the door to the bath- ...

(everyone looks at Marluxia)

**Deidara**:: OH EM GEE, UN!

**Konan**:: OMG Marly!!! I havn't seen you since the mixer!!!

**Marly**:: oigee...

**Tobi**:: PINK!

**Pein**:: -\./- wha- he got that- I dont-

**Konan**:: pinkness!

**Marly**:: (trying to open the door) Why wont you open

**Tobi**:: cause you have to push!

**Marly**:: oh right (pulls off the knob)

**Kakuzu**:: stop breaking our base!

**Marly**:: I'm trying to get out of here!!!

(meanwhile at castle oblivion)

**Xemnas**:: Where did Marluxia go?

**Axel**:: Who cares where flower power went

**Larxene**:: Well he better get here soon, he has to hear my problems!

**Zexion**:: (emos emos emos)

**Larxene**:: Zexion you want to hear my problems!!!

**Zexion**:: I got my own problems...

**Larxene**:: Thats a yes!!!! "blah blah blah girl-things girl-things blah blah blah"

**Zexion**:: NOOOOOOOO!

(back to Akatsuki base)

**Konan**:: "whine whine girl stuff girl stuff"

**Pein**:: wow... well at least she loves me... right?

**Kakuzu**: ..er...that's what Fanbase says

**Pein**:: right!!!

**Marly**:: NOOOOOOOO!

**Hidan**:: F$k! I want to chop off his head so bad!

**Kakuzu**:: If we wait Konan will do that for you...

**Hidan**:: WOOT!

**Konan**:: what..?

**Kakuzu**:: nothing

**Marly**:: O.O;

**Konan**:: oooky... "whine whine girly junk girly junk PMS"

**Marly**:: uhh...

**Pein**:: well then... back to the plans

**Konan**:: yes! Wee must catch the kyubi!

**Marly**:: the what now?

**Kakuzu**:: Its like the "Keyblade Master" but cooler!

**Marly**:: OOOH

**END SCENE**


	2. Prologue Part 2

_Note that these next lines are a reference to the season 2 opening to Drawn Together by Comedy Central, just so you dont get confused_

Last time:

_**Konan**:: You best stay out of my way bitch... or you gonna be dead..._

_**Larxene**:: I want Konan GONE!!_

_**Kakuzu**:: Would you just put it in me already!_

_**Konan**:: LARXENE YOUR MOTHERS DEAD!!!!_

_(dead body)_

_**Konan**:: did i tell you to stop lickin'?_

_**Pein**:: NOOOOOOOO!!!_

_**Tobi**:: Nobody likes fat chicks_

_**Larxene**:: You'll fell better after you kill yourself!! ._

_**Kakuzu**:: (whine whine whine) ???_

_**Zexion**:: I wish I were dead..._

_**Larxene**:: (points gun at Zexion) DROP YOUR WEAPON!!!!_

_**Zexion**:: (points gun at Tobi) NO YOU DROP IT!!!!_

_**Tobi**:: (points gun at everybody) TOBI'S NOT AFRAID TO DIE!!!!!_

_**Zetsu**::__Kill them... (echo)_

_(dramatic music)_

_**Konan**:: IT ALL... ENDS... NOW!!!!!!_

_**Tobi**:: (piloting airplane) Hold on everyone!!!!!_

_**Zexion::**Were hit WERE HIT!!!!_

_(DUNNNNNnnnnn...)_

(back to reality... sorta)

**Pein**:: I have plan!!!!

**Konan**:: orly?

**Pein**:: we use new guy as bait!!!

**Hidan**:: we have a new guy?

**Pein**:: yep! That guy (points at Marly who is STILL trying to open the door) Congrats newbie!!! Your a member of the Akatsuki!!!

**Marly**:: O.O;

**Kakuzu**:: another girl!

**Hidan**:: more like another Deidara...

**Deidara**:: HEY, un!

**Marly**:: No.. really I just wanna leave...

**Tobi**:: Tobi wants to brush his hair!

**Pein**:: we have dental

**Zetsu**:: Best damn dental around!

**Marly**:: I (tug) already have dental (tug) and mediacal (tug)

**Pein**:: OoO" WHA!!!!!

**Konan**:: ...I'm transfering!

**Zetsu**:: us too...

**Tobi**:: O.O Tobi wants to transfer too!

**Itachi**:: I perfer my glasses to pay for themselves...

**Kisame**:: I can buy new pants!

**Deidara**:: I DO need to save up money for new supplies, un

**Pein**:: But.. you cant leave!!!

**Kakuzu**:: I think we are!

**Marly**:: NO!! its Organization XIII!!! not Organization XXII... this isnt monday night football!!!

**Konan**:: It is now pinky! (head locked him)

**Marly**:: (in pain) NO! You have too talk to leader about this gag!

(on the other side of the universe Zemnas got a chill)

**Zemmy**:: I sense a disturbance in the force...

**Xiggy**:: Maybe you have gas!

**Xaldin**:: I knew those tacos were tainted..

**Zemmy**:: Roxas, it is aparent that you played no part in this but I am totally blaming this on you...

**Roxas**:: but but but Roxas is a good boy!

**Larxene**:: "blah blah blah girl problems girl problems..."

**Zexion**:: ... (plugs ears)

**Larxene:**: hey!!

**Zexion**:: LALALA CANT HEAR YOU LALALA!!!!

**Axel**:: uh oh! (runs)

Larxene:: (total PMS fit)

(world that never was EXPLODES)

(back at the base)

**Marly**:: hey i think its unjamed

**Konan**:: it was never jammed...you have to pull... (they pull)

(white room)

**Tobi**:: Oooh it's like the twilight zone!

**Pein**:: Maybe it can grant wishes!

**Konan**:: I do'nt think so..

(world that never was UNEXPLODES)

**Hidan**:: ..WHUT..THE..F$#K

**Konan**:: It's cold.

**Marly**:: Its castle oblivion...

**Vexen**:: popsicles!

**Sasori**:: WTF!!

**Deidara**:: AGH PREVERT, UN!

**Zetsu**: OM NOM NOM!!!!

**Larxene**:: OO THE GIANT PLANTS ARE COMING TO GET ME!

**Konan**:: Down Zetsu! Bad!

**Zetsu**:: om??

**Konan**:: stay... sit!

**Zetsu**:: ...arf?

**Larxene**:: KON KON!! OH MY GAWD!! I havnt seen you since the mixer!

**Konan**:: Lar-lar!

**Marly**:: ¬.¬

**Zexion**:: (walk away slowly)

**Deidara**:: GET HIM, UN! (tackle)

**Larxene and Konan**:: "Blah blah blah girl talk girl talk blah blah blah"

**Xiggy**:: Oh god they're like blurs!

**Xemnas**:: Whats going on down there!?!??

**Larxene**:: NOOOTHINNG

**Tobi**:: Would you like some water? (offers Larxene a glass of water)

**Larxene**:: OO GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

**Konan**:: Hey no one talks to Tobi like that except me... and Pein... and Deidara... and (meny hours later) and Chiyo-baa, and that kid from The Gap, and Santa, and thats it!

**Deidara**:: What about that nerdy kid from walmart

**Konan**:: Him too but THATS ITS!

**Pein**:: Naw there's that little girl at the end of the block

(mace)

**Konan**:: ACK!

_-Fanboy Time-  
The light dim as Konan and larxene glow in the night giving eachother a passionate gaze..._

_**Larxene**:: Oh KonKon your hurt (careeses Konan's face ever so geantly)_

_**Konan**:: Its only a scratch Lar-Lar (holds Larxenes hand on her face as stare at each other with a fire desire)_

_**Larxene**:: Here let me make it better (Larxenes slowly leans foward twords konan)_

_**Larxene**:: Oh KonKon...  
_

_**Konan**:: ...Lar-Lar..._

(record scratch)

**Konan**:: Oh gawd, come on lets get to the hot, sweaty juicy action!!! (strips and [fanboy action not suitible for children)

Pein and Xemnas:: (nosebleed)

**Zetsu**:: WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!

**Deidara**:: OMG!

**Sasori**:: OMG!!

**Hidan**:: OMJ!!!

**Kakuzu**:: MONEY RECOURCES!

(pulls out camcorder)

(watches in content)

**Pein**:: Ha!!! We will make billions! Right My blue-chan!?

**Konan**:: CANT TALK!!! BUSY!!!!

**Pein**:: Good thing we thought of this first!

**Deidara**:: yeah...now you lost your lover partner.

**Pein**:: ... deidara... come with me... I know a great plastic sourgen...

**Deidara**:: E-Er!

(meanwhile on the other ide of the... thing.. )

**Xemnas**:: Good thing we thought of this first!

(Axel with a camcorder)

**Axel**:: Oh Yeah!

**Roxas**:: OH MY!

**Tobi**:: Tobi has never seen someones spine bend like that!

**Deidara**:: LOOK AWAY TOBI! Look away!

(after the... thing between Larxene and Konan)

**Konan**:: I think I need a cigerette

**Larxene**:: oooh yeah...

**Pein**:: B-B-B-B-But I thought you were gonna have hot gruling sex with ME!!!!

**Larxene**:: Well we were right there!

**Konan**:: You could've jumped in at anytime!

**Pein**:: (stammers and whines)

**Hidan**:: AHHhh its over!

**Kakuzu**:: AWwww...

**Xemnas**:: At least we got it ON TAPE!!!!

**Kakuzu**:: Us too!

(another record screech)

**Xemnas**:: (leers at Pein) We did it first!

**Pein**:: (leers back) We thought it first!

**Xiggy**:: well we were more AWESOME FIRST!

**Hidan**:: well our awsome inpact was BIGGER!!!

**Zexion**:: i'm Emo-ER than all of you!

**Marly**:: No one cares, Okay!!!

**Itachi**:: Accually I'm EMO-ER...

**Zexion**:: MY OWN PLAN KILLED ME! (sob)

**END SCENE**


	3. Prologue Part 3

_ Just to let you know this first part is a Highlander reference. A very time consuming one at that. But that doesn't mean the story is crap. so far its half way._

last time:

**Lexaeus**:: (as announcer guy) From another time comes a man with great power...

**Xigbar**:: you talk funny Luxord, where you from?

**Luxord**:: Lots of different places...

**Lexaeus**:: (as announcer guy) A warrior of incredible strangth

**Saix**::Your the devil in you!

**Luxord**:: we've been kinsmen for twenty year!

**Saix**:: Luxord McLeod was my kinsmen, I don't know who you are...

**Hidan**:: (as Sean Connery) Because you were born different, men will fear you, try to drive you away.

(_Luxord being hit by rocks thrown by Zexion and Vexen, followed by a bunch of cool action scenes with swords and stuff_)

**Lexaeus**:: (as announcer guy) A man uncertain of his future...

**Marly**:: You have to know that, this guys been creeping around since the 1700's.

**Larxene**:: Impossible...

**Lexaeus**:: (as announcer guy) ...and haunted by his past.

(action scenes)

**Larxene**:: Wait a minute Luxord, I want some Answers!

(more action scenes)

**Hidan**:: you can not die McLeod!

**Luxord**:: (to Larxene) I am Luxord McLeod of the clan McLeod, I was was born in 1518 in the village Glenfinnan near the shores of Loch Shiel...

(small Action)

**Luxord**:: ...I am Immortal.

**Larxene**:: (gasp)

**Lexaeus**:: (as announcer guy) a hero, who is about to face his greatest challenge...

**Deidara**:: You will ALWAYS be WEAKER then I.

(back to Larxene)

**Larxene**:: What can you tell me about a seven foot lunatic hacking away with a broadsword at one o'clock in the morning, New York City, 1985?

**Luxord**:: ...not much.

**Lexaeus**:: (as announcer guy) ...for he is not alone.

(cool action scenes)

**Hidan**:: (off to the sunset) In the end...

(more cool actions followed by cool 80's rock)

**Hidan**:: ...there can be only one.

**Lexaeus**:: (as announcer guy) Highlander: there can be only one.

(queens and credits and stuff)

(back to reality... AGAIN)

**Marly**:: Oh my god, you killed Zexy!!!

**Zexion**:: I'm not dead!

**Xigbar**:: You basted!!!

**Konan**:: (scoot scoot scoot)

**Itachi**:: thems fightin' words!

**Zetsu**:: KILLY KILLY!

**Roxas**:: oh fsk.

**Zexion**:: but i'm not dead!

**Marly**:: Shut up, Zexy! Cant you see were trying to taking revenge for your death!!!!

**Larxene**:: but he's not dead!

**Marly**:: Shut up Larxene no one listens to you!

(_flash back_)

**Larxene**:: Cant we just kill him?

**Xemnes**:: I don't know...

**Larxene**:: D': so mean

**Saix**:: how bout we patiently wait for him to get stronger by sending our members from weakest to strongest?

**Xemnas**:: I like it!

(_end flash back_)

**Demyx**:: HEY!

**Kisame**:: OMFG A WATER USER LIKE ME!!!

**Demyx**:: ...(scoot scoot scoot)

**Hidan**:: for the love of Jashin put some pants on already!!!!!

**Kisame**:: NEVAHH!!!!!

**Zexion**:: Is logic edible?

**Itachi**:: does it mater emo emo emo

**Zexion**:: no... emo emo emo

**Konan**:: stop being emo for like 10 minutes!

**Deidara**:: eww... there emo-ing on each other...

**Sasori**:: NO WAI!

**Tobi**:: Leader Leader!!!!! We are already 2/5 of the way through the RP!!! we need a plot and now!!!!

**Konan**:: he's right!

**Pein**:: Uhhhh... what do you wanna do?

**Xemnas**:: I don't know what do you wanna do?

**Pein**:: I don't know what do you wanna do?

**Xemnas**:: I don't know what do you wanna do?

**Pein**:: I don't know what do you wanna do?

**Xemnas**:: I don't know what do you wanna do?

**Pein**:: I don't know what do you wanna do?

(yadda yadda yadda)

**Konan**: I wanna go watch a movie!

**Pein**:: YES!!! (flings finger into the air accidentally hitting Konan) We are on a quest to see... (bum bum bum!) a movie...

**Konan**:: x-x GAH! (She flopped to the floor, twitching)

**Deidara**:: Good idea Leader, un!

**Xamnas**:: I'll tell you what were not gonna see! Ninjas of the lost ark 2!

**Saix**:: Yes leader

**Xiggy**:: lol you called him leader..

**Saix**:: ... douche

**Zexion**:: lap dog!

(all organization members point and laugh at Saix)

**Saix**:: Shut up... (sob)

**Pein**:: I happen to like The Tokyo Jones movies!!!

**Konan& Larxene..& Marly**:: ROMANCE!

**Xemnas**:: YES!!! (flings finger in the air and hits Saix) we will see... (bum bum bum!) The Nobody's of the Caribbean 3: the end that never began... yes (snort snort snort)

**Saix**:: BLARGH!

**Xigbar**:: ouch

**Sasori**:: I want to watch Pinocchio!

**Lexaeus:: I wanna see Bambi! ):**

**Xaldin**:: Gone with the wind!

**Demyx**:: water world!

**Kisame**:: Broke back Mountain! ... what I heard it was a good movie...

**Itachi**:: (foaming at the mouth) blip..

**Pein**:: NO!!! we see ninja movie...

**Xemnas**:: NO!!! Pirates!!!

**Pein**:: Ninjas!

**Xemnas**:: Pirates!

**Pein**:: Ninjas!

**Xemnas**:: Pirates!

**Pein**:: Ninjas!

**Xemnas**:: Pirates!

**Pein**:: Ninjas!

**Xemnas**:: Pirates!

**Pein**:: Ninjas!

**Xemnas**:: Pirates!

**Pein**:: Ninjas!

**Xemnas**:: Pirates!

**Pein**:: Ninjas!

**Xemnas**:: Pirates!

**Konan**:: ALCHEMISTS!

**_Everyone else_**:: ...

**Konan**:: People usually laugh when I say that

**Vexen**:: (snicker)

(Everyone looks at Vexen)

**Vexen**:: ... (scoot scoot scoot)

**Itachi**:: wait- You guys aren't even pirates!

**Luxord**:: I like to pretend..

**Sasori**:: I'm a pirate...

**Konan**:: no you're not you're a puppet!

**Sasori**:: I just wanted someone to pay attention to me... my parents died in the war you know... and-

**Deidara**:: OH HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!!!

**Hidan**:: No one fucking cares you stupid whiny little kid!

**Sasori**:: Stop calling me a kid you fat cow!!!

**Hidan**:: Stop calling me a cow you lazy son of a bitch!!!

**Kakuzu**:: D: he's not a cow to me!

**_Everyone else_**:: dot dot dot

**Xemnas**:: I wanna see the pirate movie!!!

**Konan**:: but you're not pirates!

**Saix**:: neither are you! (nuhhh)

**Hidan**:: we're F#$kin Ninjas! we Ownz yer asses!

**Zexion**:: were nobodies we don't exist so the only thing worse then you is nothing... (emo emo emo)

**Marly**:: ...(punt)

**Deidara**:: Kisame how the hell do you keep losing you're pants, Un?!

**Kisame**:: I have no pants...

**Konan**:: BUY SOME YOU FREAK!

**Kakuzu**:: MY EYES!

**Kisame**:: NEVAH!!!! (prance all over place)

**Hidan**:: OMJ!

**Tobi**:: Tobi's virgin Eyes!!! ...Leader what's a virgin?

**Pein**:: I'll tell you Konan ain't one, thats for sure. (all the guys wolf whistle and such)

**Larxene**:: -.- pigs

**Konan**:: Oh that's it! PAPER CUT TIME!

**Pein**:: Kinky...

**Konan**:: ...No sex for you for 3 months.

**Pein**:: (on knees shouting to the heavens) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

**Lar-lar & Kon-Kon**:: (point and laugh) HA!

**Itachi**:: hey were all those organization guys go?

**Hidan**:: maybe they exploded!

**Kakuzu**:: WOO!

(all of Organization XIII are running to the movies for last showing of last request)

**Kisame**:: OH NOES!!!! If they get to that studio first then they'll pick that stupid pirate movie and then we wont watch our movie!!!!

**Tobi**:: OH NOES!!!

**Konan**:: TO THE AKATSUKI MOBILE!

(dannnanananana)

**Deidara**:: Shotgun!

**Sasori**:: Shotgun!

**Sasori**:: F#k

**Tobi**:: Shotgun slaaaap!

**Deidara**:: F#k!

**Konan**:: screw you both I already got the seat!

**Orochimaru**:: Where can I sit?

**Pein**:: in the trunk wit Tobi...!

**Tobi**:: D: the trunk again?! awww..

car order  
**Or-----Tb**

--trunk--

**Sa-Zt-De**

**Ka-It-Hd**

**Kn----Pn**

--front--  
car order

**Pein**:: well lets go

(drive off)

**Kisame**:: WAIT FOR ME!!!!

**Konan**:: sorry sharky!

(so Kisame was put in the truck with Orochimaru and Tobi... and cramped the whole thing horribly)

**Konan**:: We gotta get a bigger minivan.

**Zetsu**:: Agreed. _we both agree_

**Deidara**:: can't feel legs!

**Pein**:: Hey Kakuzu lend me some money to buy a new Akatsuki mobile

**Kakuzu**:: SCREW YOU! MINE! (hiss)

(so they drive off hoping to get to the movies first) meanwhile...

**Xemnas**:: Xigbar, use your portals to get us there faster

**Xigbar**:: ..and end up in a volcano?

**Axel**:: YAAAY!

everyone else:: NOOOO! (zap)

**Larxene**:: QUIET!

**Roxas**:: I can't feel my arm..

**Dymex**:: Were are we!!?

**Pein**:: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!!

**Marly**:: shuddup no one loves you!

**Konan**:: (point and stare)

**Sasori**:: . . .

**Pein**:: get your leg outta my face!!!

**Luxord**:: Sorry mate!

**Roxas**:: Watch out!!!!

(swerve outta control)

**Konan**:: MY FACE!

**Zetsu**:: My eyes!!!!

**Tobi**:: Tobi can't breath!

**Kisame**:: Kisame cant breath!!!!

**Orochimaru**:: I feel dandy!

**Hidan**:: F$#K!

**Kakuzu**:: language..

**_Everyone_**:: WAHHHHHHH!!!

**Konan**:: WE'RE GONNA CRAAAAASH!

**Larxene**:: Into that oddly shaped hill

**Pein**:: WAHH I CANT STEER!!!

**Itachi**:: (holds up a "yipe" sign.)

(fall off cliff in a old cartoon type way)

**_Everyone_**:: Nyooooooooooooooooooo (BAM!)

**Pein**:: (in pain) Tobi... I know this had... nothing to do with you... but... I'm blaming you anyway...

**Konan**:: (Bonks on his head with fist)

**Tobi**:: T-Tobi is a good boy..

**Kisame**:: Well the Akatsuki mobile is totaled now... what are we gonna do!?

**Kakuzu**:: SUE THEM!

**Xemnas**:: Xiggy get us outta here!!!!!

**Xaldin**:: MY DREADS ARE STUCK IN A DOOR!

**Vexen**:: Hey Marly... umm... is this normal? (shows entire windshield impaled through him... like all the way)

_(silence)_

**Vexen**:: (Roaming gnome quote) I'm I going ta Die...?

**Marly**:: ow..

**Konan**:: There's a pole going through my eye! Pein I'm dieing!

**Pein**:: Can we still make love?

**Konan**:: PEIN I'M DIEING!!!!

**Pein**:: BUT CAN WE STILL MAKE LOVE!!!

**Hidan**:: Lord Jashin will love this! (He squealed, wiggling the pole around in Konan's eye)

**Konan**:: HOSHIT THAT HURTS!

**Itachi**:: Why don't you just turn into paper?

**Konan**:: It only works if I'm NOT in pain!

**Tobi**:: Why not yank it out like (pulls out pull) THIS!!!

**Konan**:: (Yelped in pain holding her face) MY BEAUTY!

**Pein**:: OMG SHE'S BLEEDING ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!! OH DEAR GOD THE HORROR!!! THE HORROR!!!!

**Zetsu**:: we'll eat her!

**Itachi**:: NOOO!!! we must wait...

(bout 45 min. later)

**Zetsu**:: now?

**Itachi**:: now.

**Konan**:: AAAIEEEH!

**Pein**:: she's still twiching

**Zetsu**:: NOMNOMNOM

**Sasori**:: slaps Zetsu with rolled up newspaper BAD ZETSU DOWN!

**Zetsu**:: (whimper whimper)

**Sasori:**: Stay...

**Deidara**:: ooooh (clap clap)

**Konan**:: (twitch twitch)

**Tobi**:: ..Tobi thinks she's dieing..

**Larxene**:: Lets give her a potion... or if she dies we can give her a Phoenix down...

**Xemnas**:: you think I'm made of Phoenix downs?!

**Larxene**:: but whats that over there (points at a large pile of phoenix downs)

**Xemnas**:: ...uh..the feathers from my pillow :D

**Konan**:: (twitch twitch) POTION!!!!

**Axel**:: ...let's poke her with a stick!

(Lerxene gives Konan a Hi-Potion)

**Konan**:: y-yay. (Kicks Pein) THANKS FOR THE HELP JERK!

**Pein**:: But you know I don't know any better

**Konan**:: (kick kick kick)

**Pein**:: (in pain) oh ow oo oh NOT in pain ooh oh aw ooh...

**Konan**:: (leer)

**Konan**:: I need an eye patch!

**Deidara**:: how bout a camera?

**Konan**:: NO!

**Kisame**:: Towel?

**Konan**:: NO!

**Pein**:: THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT WOMAN!!!

**Konan**:: do they make band aids for eyes?!

**Deidara**:: How bout a wad of paper?

**Konan**:: Uhh...

**Kisame**:: yea, make a new eye!

**Konan**:: you guys suck!

**Hidan**:: THAT'S YOUR JOB!

(Wolf calls and such)

**Deidara**:: Oooooh!

**Pein**:: how do they know about last night?!

**Konan**:: ...I hate you

**Tobi**:: Whats going on!?

**Deidara**:: We'll tell you when your older

**Kakuzu**:: ...or not at all

**Tobi**:: Ahhh

**Hidan**:: F#$K!

**Kakuzu**:: Language!!

**Hidan**:: F$#K S!#T!

**Tobi**:: oooooh you said a bad word

**Tobi**:: (gasp)

**Itachi**:: (puts a cork in Hidan's Mouth) there problem solved

**Hidan**:: (muffle)

**Kisame**:: lets go to the pants store!

**Pein**:: thats the best idea you had all day!

**Konan**:: I thought we were going to the movies

**Pein**:: Oh my GOD, SON OF A BI-

(meanwhile)

**Larxene**:: we're stuck in traffic?!

**Saix**:: well what do we do now?

**Xemnas**:: We wait...

**Axel**:: There's fire in mah pants!

**Xemnas**:: for the last time NO ONE WANTS TO LOOK IN YOUR PANTS!!!!

**Roxas**:: omg look a car crash!!!

**Larxene**:: Now were gonna be stuck here longer!

**Xemnas**:: Roxas, it is apparent that you played no part in this but I am totally blaming this on you...

**Roxas**:: not again!

(_Xemnas lets a car threw_)

**Larxene**:: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!

**Xemnas**:: Its common courtesy!

**Xaldin**:: (WHACK WHACK WHACK)

**Saix**:: thats not what he though!

**Vexen**:: THERES A SPOT!!!!!

**Marly**:: GO GO GO!

(_gets beaten by the ginyu force_)

**Com. Ginyu**:: OH YEAH!!!!!

**END SCENE**


	4. Prologue Part 4

Konan:: ROFL! LM3RS!

Xemnas:: grrRRRR!!!!! (expload in anger and destroy's the Ginyu)

Hidan:: pffft Fuckin' n00b

Pein:: Quick get in line

Konan:O GO GO GO!

Xemnas:: NOOOOO!!!!! Roxas!!!! Make your self useful and GET THAT SPOT!!!!

Roxas:O GOING! (and so the foot race between Konan and roxas had begun) I WILL WIIIINN!

Konan:: NEVAAAAHHH!!! (flings paper airplanes of death)

Roxas:: (trips)

(Then the airplanes go into a pipe past Roxas and came from underneath Konan, sending her into the air)

Konan:: FTW?!

Roxas::(gets up franticlly) Whats going on!

Konan::RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR! (Flys into the spot) GOAL!

(dramatic pose)

Konan:: IN YOUR FA--- (gets struck out of th way by some fat nerdy movie lover)

_FNML_:: (snort)

_Pein & Xemnas_: (gasp)

Tobi:: EWWW its a... THING!!!

Deidara:: OMG Konan's stuck in his FAT!!

Konan:: D: PEEEEEEEEIN! SAVE ME!

Pein:: Uhh.. uhh... what do I do?!!!?! (panic)

Konan:: I'M BEING SUCKED I- (SPLORFBLGH)

Hidan:: EWWW!

Pein:: HEY YOU BIG FAT... giant tub of... lard...

_FNML_:: (waddling away)

Pein:: HEY IM TALKIN TO YA!!!!

Hidan:: umm, how bout you just kill him?

Kakuzu:: OH MY GOD! That's the smartest thing he's said all day!

Pein:: RIGHT GLAD I THOUGHT OF IT!!!!

Hidan:: But I-

Pein:: EVERYONE! GET EM!

Deidara:: ART IS A BANG, UN!

konan:: XX (traumatized)

_FNML_:: (absorbs blow and sucks in all Akatsuki members)

Xemnas:: Nows our chance!!!

Larxene:: .. shouldn't we help?

Saix:: They're stuck in a giant... thing, i think i can call it a man

Xaldin:: .. I'm not sure.

Xigbar:: oh well lets go

Larxene:: LET'S GO!

(all of a sudden they got stoped by screaming fangirls and horny fanboys)

_Fangirl#1_:: OH EM GEE ITS SAIX (super squeal)

_Maril_:: NO BAD! MINE!

_Fangirl#2_:: Back off, Bitch! (cat fight)

_Maril_:: (PWNs)

(then they form a uber cat fight ball that goes twords the Org.)

_Maril_:: REOW!

Axel:: Uh-oh... (point) that looks like it would hu-(**BAM** gets sucked in with all the other Org. member... cept Roxas)

Roxas:: oh no!!! what do I do!!!?!!?

Tobi:: Good Question! But Tobi doesn't know...but he's still a good boy.

Roxas:: YAY!!! but now... we must make a plan... after the movie!

Tobi:: HORAY!!! TOBI WANTS TO SEE A MOVIE!!!

(and so Tobi and Roxas go to get the last two tickets and watch teh most childish movie showing, Pretty Ponie Adventures)

"..."

(and at the end of the movie(

Roxas:: Wow that was a great movie!

Tobi:: It was the bestest!

Roxas:: Yea, It was like the time Xemnas forgot to pioson my muffin and-(ding) OMG I FORGOT ABOUT XEMNAS!!!!

Tobi:: D: AND TOBI FORGOT ABOUT LEADER!

(They look out the empty parking lot(

Tobi:: (sobing) Tobi is in so much trouble

(then as Tobi gets ready to leave he gets a telepathinc message from Konan via Pein)

Konan:: Help me Tobi-one, your my only hope!

Tobi:: OOOHH holography

roxas;: whut?

(xigbar pops out of a dimension hole!!!(

Xigbar:: (gasp) OMG IT WAS HOT IN THERE! ... where am I?

Roxas:: XIGGY YOU GOTTA GET THE OTHERS!

Xigbar:: NO WAY MAN!! I HAD TO GO THROUGH TOO MANY RANDOM LOCATIONS BEFORE I GOT SOMEPLACE SAFE!

Tobi:: BUT THEN LEADER WILL DIE!

Konan:: um... (magically apearing with Xigbar) im still here!

Tobi:: But you're not leader- wait..how'd you get out?!

Xigbar:: she followed me!

Konan:: And I'll never leave your side!

Xigbar:: Lady, it was one time, let go!

Konan:: B-BUT XIGGY!

Roxas:: What did you do?

Tobi:: Yea, Tobi wants to know!

Konan:: (swirled her finger through her hair, blushing) a little of this.. a little of that..and definately some of that..

Xigbar:: Yea, i guess it was pretty hot!

Konan:: IT WAS THE MOST PASSIONATE MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!

Tobi:: TOBI'S VIRGIN EARS!

Roxas:: OMG!!!

Xigbar:: Yea whatever...

Tobi:: But Tobi has no time to discuss Kon Kon's promiscuous personality, I gotta save Leader!!!

Konan:: OMG TOBI KNOWS A BIG WORD!

Xigbar:: Yea we gotta save Mansex

Konan:: LET'S GOOOO!

(and for some reason..Roxas was left behind... because he's stupid.)

Roxas:: WAIT WE CAN FORM A PARTY!!!!

Tobi:: (ding)

Konan:: yer stoopid! wait.. ding?

Tobi:: I WANNA BE IN A PARTY!!! Tobi can be the worriar!

Konan:: THIS IS NOT AN RPG!

Roxas:: I wanna be a Mage!

Xigbar:: Oy...

Konan:: ...let's just leave them alone..

Roxas:: Xiggy you can be a Theif!

Xigbar:: (ding) ...did you say... Theif? (raises eybrow)

Konan:: what's that make me?

Tobi:: Tobi doesn't know D:

Roxas:: how bout... ... ... CLARIC!!!

Konan:: WTF?! I don't have healing Jutsu!

Roxas:: JOOOTSSUUU!

Tobi:: Tobi has Panflets!!!

Roxas:: whuzzat?!

Konan:: shouldn't we get going...

Tobi:: then ONWARD!!!

Xigbar;: (sigh) I didn't sign up for this...

_(and so Tobi and Pals set off on their adventure to find Leaders and then they rode into the sunset!)_

END PROLOUGE


End file.
